If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
