in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
