don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
it's great music for shaving your balls
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
