so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
