Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
