rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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