What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
