the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
