maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
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you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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