Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
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Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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