Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
