i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
