I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
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I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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