Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
