woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
