don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF