i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.