I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.