Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.