i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.