i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why