You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she looked like the before picture.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
