just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize