we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
