I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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