did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
