But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
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It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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