frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
