Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
