they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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