I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
