guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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