she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
