My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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