I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize