Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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