Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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