I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
