I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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