Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I checked into jail on foursquare
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its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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