Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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