Everything about him screamed your future.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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