New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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