Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
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I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I pour the whiskey from now on
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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