thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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