Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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