i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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