I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You have to summon your inner elephant
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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