Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
