I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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