You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
