Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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