They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
