dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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