The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
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Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Boobs are out for the taking
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
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I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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